What do I want?
Everything!
A little at a time,
And all at once.
Shaken together with water
From the fountain of youth
Brewed with wise herbs
Maybe a little prophecy
And "things we're all too young to know"
Sure...
Give me a legend,
An anthem,
Car keys,
Piano keys,
Stereograms,
Teddy Grahams,
And a kiss
To analyze while I think no thoughts save, "Live. Just freaking live!"
Save. Live.
What do I want?
Enough. This. That's all, thanks. For now.
_____________________________________________
When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to watch movies unless they were made by Hanna-Barbara or came from our local library. Along with the standard Disney films and the Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals, I remember finding one lesser gem of cinematic magic on the shelves--Bedknobs and Broomsticks. It was basically Mary Poppins except, instead of bottomless Carpet Bags and talking Umbrellas with Julie Andrews, it was Bedknobs and Broomsticks with Angela Lansbury. I bring it up because of the Bedknobs more than the Broomsticks. The whole film is about Angela, the English children she cares for, and the places they're able to travel by sitting on a large wire-framed bed and turning one brass bedknob three turns to the left...or was it to the right?
I'm in bed now. And I sometimes wish I could see and accomplish more from here. But it's not a bad thing to sit at the end of the day and just reflect. To be honest, this may be one of the few times I've been still and alone in the past six weeks. I've changed rotations and households, gotten two promising leads for future jobs, traveled thousands of miles, hosted friends who've traveled thousands of miles, fallen out of friendship and into friendship, and discovered that I really, really like having a hot tub.
But let's start with today. Just one day.
I work in finance now. I don't really know what that means yet. But I'll try to explain.
Today between half a dozen different if-then formulas, my spreadsheets turned into one of those hidden-image stereograms (you know, like the birthday cards that look like TV snow and make you cross-eyed until suddenly a dolphin or a mermaid or a stallion levitates into perception). That's Microsoft Excel.
Excel. Excel. Excel. Sometimes I forget that word means anything other than mouse clicks and 18 million possible data points. Enter, format, pivot, refresh, and then...AUDIT!
Even so, I think I lived today. I think I got what I woke up wanting. I think I covered some good ground with my brain. I played hopscotch around the world and met friends in every square. I think I sat still enough to just be a human being. I think I moved enough to pick up more speed tomorrow if speed is what I need. I think I gave something away without expecting anything in return. I think there was true love in the creases and seams holding things together.
Today was a good day. And the closer I get to sleep, the more the thinking melts away, and I just remember the ordinary magic of living and look forward to dreams that I may not remember or ever understand.
Life isn't easy, but at least it's interesting.
I still kind of wish my bed had knobs though. (There's no way to make that sound less awkward.)
Oh, well...
