Happy Now?

Now, what's that?
It's your birthday?
Oh, I forgot.
It's Hanukah.
So, Merry Christmas.
And Happy New Year to you, too!
St. Patty's Day.
Hip. Hip. Hooray!
Well, take that sucker.
April Fools!

Happy Now?
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It's normal to want stuff out of life. Like being happy. Or being thin.

Elna Baker wanted to be thin. I'm reading her memoir The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance, and I just finished the chapter called Pooping Out a Fourth Grader in which she loses 80 pounds, the equivalent of pooping out a fourth grader. At the halfway mark in the weight-loss saga, she freaks out that she's not going to make it, then on her way back into New York City after an appointment with her weight-loss doctor she sees...a billboard. Here it is as only Elna can describe:

"Impossible is Nothing," it said. "Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing."

It was a sporting goods ad and, while I knew this sign was created by people who probably employed Ecuador's children to make a profit, I didn't care. I practically stood up in my seat and threw my arms in the air like Rocky. It was a sign--literally.

"Impossible is Nothing," I said. "Impossible is Nothing."

You can do this, a voice spoke to me. I felt a warm feeling in the center of my chest. Just keep doing everything your doctor tells you to word for word and let time pass. Change is a combination of effort and time. Keep going.

It's hard to describe what it feels like when God speaks to you. It's peaceful; every little bad thought and feeling is instantly washed away and your mind feels clear. There's a scripture in the Bible that puts it better than I ever could. Basically it says that there was a strong wind that broke the rocks into pieces, but God wasn't in the wind, and after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake, and after the earthquake a fire, but God wasn't in the fire, and after the fire a still, small voice, and God was in the still, small voice.

Thank you, God, thank you, I prayed. We can do this. I know we can."

Thank God. And thank you, Elna. Now, it's my turn.

So, there's a prayer I've been praying lately. Lately, as in my whole life.

"God, I'm so happy...but, there's just this one thing..."

That pretty much sums it up.
One moment I am overwhelmed by the warm fuzzies. Then I sigh and think "if only..."

On one hand this makes sense.
I mean the world is a tough place from obesity and shifting tectonic plates to cold spaghetti with a broken microwave.
But on the other hand...
"If only..." what?

Here are some things people like me probably say:

If only I knew what I wanted to do with my life...more specificallly.
If only I got a bigger tax return.
If only I had a different job.
If only my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife treated me this way or thought that way.
If only I had a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.
If only I had kids.
If only I was in better shape.
If only I could move to Italy.
If only I was as cool as Tara B. (Let's face it. We've all thought this before.)

Why is simply being happy so complicated?
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After his wife told him she didn't love him anymore and his best friend committed suicide, Neil Pasricha started a blog called 1000 Awesome Things where he writes a daily post about something awesome. In an interview, with Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, Neil had this to say about life and happiness.

"...I feel like 99.9% of our days are filled with little things. They’re filled with thank-you waves on the highway, slipping through a door that’s shutting without touching it, and hitting a string of green lights on the way home from work. They’re filled with the smell of frying onions, the peacefulness of a baby falling asleep on you, and the rush of waking up the next morning and realizing you’ve got an hour left to sleep.

And sure, we may save our cash up and go on a dream cruise for a few days, but even that cruise is about the red sun setting on the horizon and the sweaty hand you’re holding on the deck."

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I'm so happy...

This morning my cat Tux crawled up on my lap as I finished my bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats. Purring loudly, he stretched his front paws up onto my shoulder and nuzzled his head under my chin and just let me hold him. My cat gives me hugs! I still remember the night our neighbor brought the little guy to our doorstep. She found him in the gutter out in front of our house. He had big blue eyes and was small enough to fit in my one hand. He slept in my bed with me that first night. I'm pretty sure he had fleas.

About a month ago, we had a whole slew of visitors living in our house. Nine total. Deija and Annie were two of them. They are seven and six years old respectively. We had breakfast together in the mornings, and at night they begged for bedtime stories. I told them about almost getting shot after pilfering wishing-well money out of atrium fountains at the Grand Ol Opry Hotel. I read them my favorite kids books. We laughed and snuggled. They were cool little people.

On Tuesday, I met Tiffany and Katie at the gym for BATs class which stands for Buns, Abs, and Thighs. It's kind of like a no-mercy battle plan named after its target. Afterwards, Katie fed me yummy Chinese food for dinner while Brad took a study break to tell us really animated stories in their bright-yellow kitchen. Then I ran back to the gym for the first co-ed soccer game of the season where we won and played so hard we all needed subs. It was a great night. Just great.

I'm so happy...
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One time, Nicholas L. had a wise moment while we were talking on the phone. We were talking about stories and movies and what makes them good or bad and what makes life good or bad, happy or sad.
Here's Nick's idea, but not really in Nick's words:

"Screenplays are written in three acts, and Act 3 is where the resolution happens. Well, we live with these expectations about what should be the Act 3 resolution in our life story. A lot of times we think it's marriage or money or just some other thing we don't have yet. But the more I think about it, and the more I live, the more I think Act 3 isn't supposed to happen here. I mean here on this planet in this life..."

If not here, then where?

If not now, then when?

"If only...?"
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1 Kings 9:11-13
"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
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What are you doing here?